Dirty Fun: The Series
by DreamerAngel17
Summary: The Akatsuki is a serious orgaization in the world of Naruto. Criminals want to have fun too; even if it is a little dirty...Full of yaoi and hetero pairings
1. Monday: In the Kitchen

I have decided to turn this one-shot into a series of Akatsuki yaoi one-shots.Enjoy! Alternate Universe in America.

Disclaimer- If only I was a Japanese guy named Masashi Kishimoto………

_Deidara now knows why he likes to do the dishes._

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_**Dirty Fun in the Kitchen: Deidara and Itachi**_

The sun was shining bright on this summer day. The birds were singing and there wasn't a cloud in sight. Yes, today was a good day.

"I hate Mondays." spoke an irritated voice.

The voice belonged to a young blonde man. He looked to be in his late teens, early twenties. He had long, golden hair that swayed with each step he took and baby blue eyes that gleamed as light made contact with them.

The blonde stomped down the main hall of the Akatsuki house, pissed at the fact that he had to wake up so early on a summer day.

As Deidara stood in the doorway of the kitchen, he shielded his eyes as the sharp rays of the early July sun pierced his fragile pupils. He walked over to the large table that was positioned in the middle of the room, took a seat, and laid down on the table face first.

The kitchen was very alive this morning.

The leader of the house, Pein, stood at the stove singing to himself and flipping waffles. A redhead named Sasori stood at the counters, mixing waffle batter, a brunette named Kakuzu was fixing bacon on the other stove, and a navy blue haired man named Kisame was at the sink washing dishes.

"Good morning Sunshine. I have to say, that is a sexy ass body you have there."

Deidara lifted his head and glanced to his right. A girl who looked to be only about 17 with silver-gray hair pulled into a messy ponytail sat next to him.

"Shut it Kaiya." he growled and placed his head back onto the table.

"Hey Mr. Personality. What the fuck's got your pink thong in a bunch?" Deidara lifted his head once again and this time his eyes met dark fuchsia ones.

"Hidan, how do you know what color Deidara's thong is?" Kisame asked.

"I do not wear a thong, un!"

"Because when I was doing laundry earlier, in his basket I found a hot pink thong."

"I do NOT wear a thong!"

"Oh yeah? Well then, how the fuck do you explain the hot pink one I saw in your basket earlier? Did you put it in there or did Itachi do it after ripping it off you last night?" Deidara's cheeks turned a light pink color.

"Maybe it was Kaiya's! Hell, it could have been Konan's!" Pein turned to the table, pointing his spatula in the blonde's direction.

"First: Konan's been in Atlanta for the past month visiting relatives and we live in Michigan. Why would she drive all the way up here just to place underwear in _your _basket? Second: Kaiya doesn't wear thongs. They ride up on her."

The kitchen grew silent at that last statement.

"Pein, how do you know that?" they all questioned in unison. The guy in question turned to his stove, and the girl fought down a bright red blush.

"Kaiya, check and see if Deidara is wearing a thong."

The silver haired girl grabbed the back of Deidara's pajama pants and peeked inside. The blonde slapped her hand away and quickly jumped out of his seat.

Kaiya burst out laughing, her blush finally disappearing.

"He _does_ wear thongs! He has on a black one right now!"

The kitchen erupted with laughter. Deidara flushed a dark red and shot death glares at all his so called 'friends'.

"Hidan and Kaiya. Sleep with one eye open tonight." he hissed through gritted teeth.

"Now now Deidara. No one wants to hear your empty threats so early in the morning." Pein stated, receiving glares from everyone in the room.

"It's _your fault_ that we're up so early in the morning!" they all yelled, with Deidara adding an 'un' at the end.

"Well sorry for wanting to spend some time with my friends. By the way, has anyone seen Zetsu?" All the people in the room looked to each other until Kisame spoke up.

"He's in the backyard, playing with ……Sparkles."

Sasori dropped his spatula.

"NOOOOOOOO ! NOT SPARKLES!!" he yelled, running out of the backdoor.

"Why did we get a male dog and let Sasori name it?"

"Why did we even get a dog? It's so expensive having them in the house." Kakuzu groaned, flipping over a few pieces.

The kitchen returned to normalcy, well as normal as it could get in this house. Everyone was served a plate and they all sat at the table, eating quietly.

"Hey Deidara." the blue eyed guy looked up from the eggs he was inhaling, curious brown eyes staring at him.

"Yeah Sasori?"

"Is it true about the thong? Did Itachi really rip it off you?" Deidara glared at his friend.

The table erupted with laughter once again.

"W-what?! Why would you think like that?" Hidan snickered as he passed Kakuzu the pepper.

"Well, since Hidan and I share a room next to Itachi and Kisame's, it wasn't hard to hear all the noises you two were making. Do you two even _sleep _at three in the morning?" Kakuzu answered.

A deep, tomato red blush graced Deidara's cheeks as he turned away from the table.

"Aww Dei, don't be shy. We all know that you have a crush on our little weasel, so there's no use in hiding it." the blonde shot a glare at Pein over his shoulder.

A few minutes later, everyone finished their breakfasts and filed out of the kitchen, leaving Deidara to do the dishes.

The blonde stood at the sink, scrubbing egg off glass plates and mumbling stuff about Pein and savage wolves under his breath. Just then, another being wandered into the kitchen and over to the table.

"Hey Deidara." the blonde jumped at the voice. He dropped the plate he was washing into the sink; luckily it didn't break.

"Itachi?! What the--" as Deidara began his rant, he quickly stopped. Itachi's silky raven colored locks were tinted a light bubblegum pink color. Dei tried not to laugh, but it was inevitable.

"Do _**not **_ask what happened." Itachi stated coldly, watching Deidara almost double over with laughter. He clutched onto one of the counters for support, as his laugh attack died down.

"Why not Uchiha? You look so cute like that." Itachi was confused. Deidara finally caught on to what he had said, but it was too late.

"Did you just say that I was cute?" the blonde's face flushed a dark red color. He hid the blush by returning to his dish washing duty.

Itachi shrugged and sat down at the table, grabbing his breakfast plate off the stove.

A silence fell over the kitchen for a few minutes, until Deidara broke it.

"You know, the others have accused us of some naughty acts last night, un."

"Like what?"

Deidara dried off a plate and placed it onto a waiting dry cloth on the counter next to him. "They think that we were in you and Kisame's room doing the do."

"Hn." the Uchiha then stood up and walked over to the sink. He dropped his glass plate into the dishwater and glanced at Deidara.

"Well, were you in my room last night?" Deidara cocked an eyebrow.

"What are you getting at, un?" Then it hit the blonde.

"Were you in my room la--" but before Itachi can finish, Deidara had closed the gap between them and planted his lips onto Itachi's.

The blonde then grabbed the Uchiha by the wrists, and backed him up against one of the walls. They both melted into the kiss, their tongues dancing around each other in a symphony of pleasure.

2 minutes later, they broke their sacred dance in order to fill their horribly deprived lungs with the rich oxygen surrounding them.

Deidara was panting a little, while Itachi had already caught his breath. "That's what they think we were doing last night, un." Deidara stated, a playful smirk crossing his features. Itachi returned the smirk and seized the blonde by his shoulders.

"That's it? I thought that our friends were smarter than that." the Uchiha then pushed the blonde onto the table (surprising poor little sexy Deidara) and hopped on top of him.

"Care to help me demonstrate what else they thought we were doing?" Deidara said nothing, instead reaching up and capturing the weasel's lips into another passionate and erotic kiss.

**(Insert lemon part here. I'm not experienced in writing lemons, so whatever freaky stuff you think that Itachi and Deidara did, then that's what they did.)**

Itachi and Deidara lay sprawled out on the floor, hair wild and messy, clothes surrounding them. The blonde's head was resting on the raven-- temporary bubblegum pink haired guy's chest, enjoying his body's warmth.

"So _that's _what they thought we were doing, huh? I think I might need another demonstration." Itachi stated as Deidara rose from the floor. He straightened out his hair and pulled on his ripped up pajama pants. He glanced down at Itachi and smiled.

"Not now. I have to finish the dishes, un."

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AN: I know, I know. Itachi seemed a little out of character, but that's how I wanted it. I hope that you enjoyed it. Reviews are welcome!


	2. Tuesday: In the Bathroom

So far, this school year sucks. At least I only have one more year! Now on with the yaoi! Sweet Kakuzu/Hidan yaoi! Alternate Universe in America.

Disclaimer- If only I was a Japanese guy named Masashi Kishimoto………

**Warning: ****Lots **of cursing and insults below. You have been warned.

_Hidan now knows where to 'misplace' his rosary._

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_**Dirty Fun in the Bathroom: Kakuzu and Hidan**_

Today was a so-so day. It was partly cloudy with a slim chance of rain. Despite this, the birds were outside singing their happy little songs. Yes, today was a so-so day.

"I FUCKIN HATE TUESDAYS!! WHERE THE HELL IS IT?!" yells a voice.

The voice belonged to a youthful looking silver haired man. He looked to be in his early twenties, but then again looks _are_ deceiving….

The man's freakishly pink eyes flew to each side of the hall that he was stomping down until he reached a door. He used his powerful fist to bang on the door, while calling out to the person inside.

"Hidan? Are you ok?"

The man at the door stopped his pounding and turned to the voice that had addressed him.

"Hell no I ain't alright Blondie! I can't find my fuckin rosary!" Deidara was confused.

"So you lost it in the bathroom?"

Hidan was about go off on Deidara when suddenly the bathroom door opened.

In the doorway stood, a _very _soaking wet Kakuzu in nothing but a towel. His shaggy brunette hair was in total view as it rested atop his shoulders, aside from a few rebel strands pasted to his forehead.

Beads of water cascaded down the stitched man's ripped muscles, causing them to glisten slightly as the light from the bathroom shone on him.

Hidan and Deidara just stood there, staring wide-eyed at the semi-naked Kakuzu. Deidara's cheeks flushed a dark red, while Hidan quickly regained himself.

"Why the hell were you banging on the door like an idiot?" Kakuzu asked, folding his arms across his well-toned chest. Hidan glared at his partner.

"I was wondering if you saw my rosary in there asshole." A brunette eyebrow arched.

"So I guess you lost it again after one of your stupid ass rituals, right?" Hidan glared even harder, then pushed his way past his partner into the bathroom. As the door slammed shut, Deidara and Kakuzu stood at the door, confused at the Jashinist's actions.

"Deidara, why is your face so red?" The blonde stiffened at the question.

"Um…uh..no reason! Definitely not because of you standing next to me in nothing but a towel, un!"

Kakuzu watched as the Akatsuki's art expert ran down the hall, turn into a room and slam the door.

"Weird ass kid."

* * *

"Where the fuck is it?! I could have sworn I put it right here!!"

The silver haired priest tore the poor, unsuspecting bathroom apart. He emptied the medicine cabinet, cleared the shelves where face towels were neatly stacked and demolished the closet that was in the substantial room.

"Damn it! I can't find it! That dirty ass money whore probably stole it. The zombie bastard. The stupid stitched up cock-fuck and his sexy ass muscles." Just then, a picture of Kakuzu in the doorway earlier flashed thru Hidan's mind.

"Damn! Why the hell am I thinking about _him _of all people?! I've got to find my fuckin rosary!"

Hidan then, out of pure anger and frustration, made the dim-witted mistake of kicking one of the Akatsuki's marble toilets. Hidan fell to the floor, cradling his pain-stricken foot.

"Who was the bitch ass fire-crotch that decided to put fuckin _**marble **_toilets in the bathroom?!"

"Pein is that fire-crotch that decided to put marble toilets in all our bathrooms." replied a calm voice.

Hidan whipped his head to the door and saw Kakuzu in the doorway again. He was still in the towel, but this time he was swinging stringed beads around his right index finger.

" What the hell--That's _my _rosary! How did _you _get it?" Kakuzu allowed a smirk to rise onto his stitched face.

"I just found it in the hall." Enraged fuchsia eyes met with amused green irises.

"Give. Me. My. Shit."

"No."

Hidan rose from his spot on the floor and stomped to the money whore. Kakuzu stopped spinning the rosary around his finger, catching it in his hand. There was a mischievous glint in Hidan's eye that the ex-Waterfall nin didn't like.

"I _said _give me back my shit, asswipe. What the_ fuck _don't you understand about that demand?"

Since there was a small three inch height difference between himself and Hidan, Kakuzu used this to his advantage. He held the sacred beaded necklace above his head, and Hidan had to jump in order to at least _try _to reach it.

What Kakuzu _didn't _expect, was the unexpected thing that you, the reader, would probably expect.

Or Hidan's next move, in other words.

The Jashinist closed the gap between him and his partner, surprising Kakuzu. Hidan then grasped the stitched nin's shoulders and pushed the brunette into the shower; which was conveniently placed right next to the door.

Hidan suddenly pulled away, smirking as he and Kakuzu gasped for air.

"You better get ready you heathen bastard. I like to fuck rough."

Kakuzu gripped the rosary tightly in his right hand.

"If you think you're going to be on top, you've got another thing coming you fuckin ignoramus."

**(Insert lemon part here. I'm not experienced in writing lemons, so whatever freaky stuff you think that Kakuzu and Hidan did, then that's what they did. During this little freaky picture that you are currently imagining, imagine that the shower came on. Magically.)**

A little while ago, Deidara had finally summoned up the courage to venture back out into the hall. He poked his head out the small creak of his door, looked both ways, then entered the hall.

"Hey sempai."

Deidara almost jumped out of his skin at the name. He was about to turn around and swing on whoever addressed him, not thinking about who he was swinging on.

"Damn it Tobi! Why the hell won't you leave me alone?!" The person behind Deidara sighed audibly.

"Deidara, it's me."

The blonde calmed down a bit, and turned around. In front of him stood a silver haired girl, wearing a confused expression on her face.

"Oh Kaiya. It's just you. I thought you were Tobi trying to get me to play Scrabble with him again." The female Hatake cocked an eyebrow.

"Scrabble? But he can't spell."

"Yeah, I know."

Deidara and Kaiya began to walk down the hall, side by side. Then, they came to a stop in front of the bathroom door.

"You know, I'm still mad at you for what you did last Monday."

"Well, we all wanted to know if you were wearing a thong. Don't be mad at us just because you _were_ wearing one." The blonde shot the girl an awful glare.

"Ok,I apologize. Hey Deidara-sempai? Have you seen Kakuzu? Pein wanted me to give him this list of tax evasion reasons." Kaiya looked over to Deidara, only to see him pointing at the bathroom door.

"He's in there, un."

As if on que, the bathroom door opened, releasing a wall of steam from inside. Kakuzu stepped out, in nothing but a towel (again) brunette hair flying every which way.

Hidan followed, his usually perfect hair now spiked like Pein's. He held a towel around his lower half with one hand and clutched something with the other.

"Why is there so much steam coming out the bathroom? What were you two doing in there?" Kaiya asked, a confuzzled look creeping onto her face.

Hidan and Kakuzu both froze in their tracks, glanced to each other, then faced the Hatake. Hidan held up his right hand, revealing what was inside.

"Looking for my fuckin rosary."

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AN: Wow, I don't think that this one came out as dirty as I wanted it to, but oh well. Just wait until the next chapter. You're gonna be blown away. Deuces!

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	3. Wednesday: In the Living Room

I'm back with the 3rd installment of Dirty Fun! This time, Sasori and Konan are about to have some unadulterated entertainment. Also, Sasori-no-Danna is a human in this one. El gasp! Alternate Universe in America.

Disclaimer- If only I was a Japanese guy named Masashi Kishimoto…..

_Sasori now knows why he loves origami._

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_**Dirty Fun in the Living Room: Sasori and Konan**_

Today was not a good day, weather-wise. The rain in Amegakure was coming down harder than usual, and flash floods were popping up everywhere you turned.

Yes, today was una mala dia.

A red headed man who looked to be in his thirties was seated on his bed in the Akatsuki house, working on a large human like wooden puppet. With his trusty screwdriver in hand, he carefully de-attached the left arm of said puppet in an intricate process, catching each screw quickly before it fell to the floor.

A light tap could be heard from the door, accompanied by a muffled, "Hey Danna?" The red head casts his glance to the door.

"Come in."

The door slowly creaked open and in popped a head with sleek, feather gray hair, pulled back into a ponytail.

"What do you need?" The red head, known as Sasori continues on his puppet, re-attaching the arm, and now he was working on one of the legs.

"There's something that you need to see. It's about your puppets." The man stopped what he was doing completely.

"What about them Kaiya?" The girl at the door fidgeted nervously, her eyed meeting the ground before her. She brought them back up, locking her silvery orbs with deep mocha ones.

"Someone's commented about them on our website and Deidara-sempai sent me up here to tell you." Sasori places his screwdriver and puppet on his bed carefully then proceeded to the door.

"Ok then. Show this to me."

* * *

"What the FUCK?!? Who are these tasteless bastards, un?!?" A blonde haired man named Deidara yells as he stares at his computer screen.

"Out of all the artwork we posted on here, they like Danna's better?! This is not fair!" Konan, the blunette who was sitting next to the blonde bombshell at the moment, tried to comfort him.

"Calm down Dei. People like your explosions as much as they like Sasori's puppets and my origami work." The blonde glanced to the blunette, then back at the monitor. He glared at it for a moment before speaking.

"If so , then why did only 67 comment on my pics? 198 people commented on your origami and 208 people commented on Danna's!"

"Maybe it's because people just don't give two shits about your stupid ass clay doll. Have ya ever thought of that, Cyclops?"

Deidara winced at the nickname as a slick haired man entered the room. He was covered in blood, the sticky crimson liquid creating a path behind him with every step he took. Two other people followed the bloodied man, standing behind him as he yelled at the blonde artist.

"Hey sempai, Konan-chan and Hidan." Kaiya stated, interrupting the fight that Hidan and Deidara had everyday at 2:30 pm.

"Hey Kaiya-chan and Sasori-no-Danna, un." Sasori and Kaiya wander over to the computer are, taking seats next to Konan.

"Hello you two."

"Hello Konan. I have come to see the comments someone left about my puppets." Konan nodded and went to the picture section of their website.

"So they believe my puppets are true beauty. I already knew that."

Deidara was pissed.

"Look Danna. How many times do I have to tell you that true art is a fleeting masterpiece? It's when people can admire its flawless beauty and then BOOM! You can watch its ashes scatter beautifully to the wind."

Sasori scoffs and turns his attention back to the computer screen.

"I see that these reviewers seem to like your origami as well Konan. They are quite beautiful." The kunoichi glanced over to the puppet master.

"Why thank you Sasori." Kaiya looked to her danna, then to her female companion. She knew where this was going.

"You know what? I'm just going to leave you two alone." She slid from her seat in between the two artists and made her way over to Hidan and Deidara.

"I think we should leave these two alone. Don't you think so sempai?" Deidara glanced to the silver haired Hatake then to the 2 chatting artists.

"I believe you're right Kaiya-chan." So the two grabbed a reluctant Hidan and slipped out of the room.

"So, tell me what you think." Sasori took a side glance at Konan.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean tell me what your opinion is about my origami. I'd be happy to hear it."Sasori was silent for a moment before turning to the paper kunoichi.

"I believe that origami is a beautiful art. The figures can last for almost a lifetime, but yours is different. Yours is strong and definite, stunning yet lethal. A weapon that can be brought to life and preserved. That is a true work of art."

As the ex-Suna nin spoke, stands of fluffy red hair fell into his eyes. Konan reached over and brushed them out of his face. The two stared at each other before leaning in close to one another.

Their lips met in a slow yet steady process. Their tongues danced around each other in a sweet storm of ecstasy. Two minutes later they unhooked from each other, slightly panting.

"Is this a reward for complementing your art?" Konan smirked into his lips.

"I suppose so. You really know how to flatter a girl." Their lips met once again and they pulled apart once again.

"This is progressing faster than we predicted." Sasori whispered between the trail of kisses he left down Konan's neck.

"Then let's take it all the way." Konan whispered back, pulling off Sasori's short sleeved shirt, revealing his well toned chest. She caressed his hard muscles, loving how the skin was so smooth underneath her fingertips.

Sasori was trailing down lower and lower until he hit Konan's soft spot. He was enjoying the way she was moaning his name, every syllable filled with lust.

**(Insert lemon here. I thought about writing it, but then I decided, 'Nah, let them figure out what Sasori and Konan are doing.' So let your imagination run lemon wild.)**

Two hours later, Hidan, Deidara and Kaiya could be found in the main Akatsuki hallway, talking amongst themselves.

"Pein is trippin if he thinks that we're going to go to his stupid family reunion. I don't give a fuck if his parents want to see his friends again, I ain't going all the way up to Michigan. Fuck that." Deidara rolls his eyes.

"Just because you almost got raped by Pein's sister last time we went doesn't mean that she'll do it again, un." Hidan scoffs and Kaiya sighs.

"Almost? The bitch practically had me naked before you guys burst in the room!"

"Look, before you two bite each other's heads off, let's at least tell Sasori-no-Danna and Konan-chan about the trip first…." As Deidara opened the door, the trio was shocked.

Clothes were strewn all over the floor, the couch, the ceiling fan and the computer. Sasori was asleep on the couch, a dozing Konan laying on top of him. Deidara shut the door quietly and he, Hidan and Kaiya stood in their spots silently; well until Hidan broke it.

"You were right Cyclops. They were in there makin art."

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AN: Yesh!! Another chapter finished, another chapter on the way. I absolutely _love_ Sasori/Konan now, so I just might write more of them together. Reviews are love!


	4. Thursday: On the Patio

The 4th episode of Dirty Fun begins….now!

Alternate universe in America. Zetsu-kun still has his split personalities, but no Venus flytrap.

Disclaimer- If only I was a Japanese guy named Masashi Kishimoto…..

_Zetsu now knows why he likes to go grocery shopping._

* * *

_**Dirty Fun on the Patio: Zetsu and Tobi**_

Today was a good day. The rain from last week had finally ceased and now the sun was back out in all its glory.

An emerald-haired man was making his way down an empty road, plastic store bags hanging from each of his fingers. A silvered haired girl was following him, her hands filled with over-packed shopping bags as well.

"We're almost there. Only 5 more miles to go."

"That's good. I was beginning to get tired sempai." The male stopped in his tracks, a playful smirk creeping up onto his face.

"You're not going soft on me, are you?" The female locked her silver eyes with his golden ones.

"Oh no. I'd never do that sempai."

* * *

"When are they going to be back Deidara-sempai?" The blonde sighs audibly.

"When they get back. Now quit asking me Tobi, un."

"But I want to know when! Don't you know?"

"No I don't. Now shut up."

The two bickering roommates were sitting on the Akatsuki patio, arguing about when 2 of their friends were coming back from the grocery store. The blonde one, Deidara, was sitting at the patio table reading today's newspaper while his friend Tobi was bothering him.

"Aww come on Deidara-sempai I know that you know. You can't fool Tobi." Deidara's hands clenched the paper.

"Tobi, I'm only gonna say this one more time. I don't know when they are coming back. Now stop asking me before .!"

The younger of the two sat back in his seat and covered his mouth with both hands. He didn't want to get blown up. Deidara, on the other hand, smirked to himself.

"That's more like it, un."

30 minutes later, two figures came into view from the Akatsuki house. Tobi used one hand as a visor for his eyes as he stared out at the horizon.

"Hey sempai! They're back!" Deidara folded up the paper he was reading and turned to where Tobi was pointing.

"Finally! I thought you guys got ambushed by ninjas or something." The two approaching people entered the backyard and placed the groceries onto the patio table.

"Hi Kaiya-chan and Zetsu-kun!"

"Hey Tobi-kun!" Kaiya yelled as she ran over to the brunette, silver hair trailing behind her. Zetsu's meaner personality took over.

"Ninjas? Deidara, ninjas? Was that the best you could come up with?" The blonde glared at the green haired man.

"It must be since he uses that one on me all the time."

Four sets of eyes flew to the sliding back door. A teenage boy with jet black hair pulled into a low ponytail was leaning against the doorframe, his pale arms crossed over his chest.

"And you fall for it everytime Itachi. Now you know that you're not supposed to be out in the sun with the condition your eyes are in. Go back inside _Itachi-kun._" The teen shot a glare at the older man.

"And who do you think you are? My father?" Kaiya grabbed some bags off of the table and rushed over to Itachi.

"Before things get too out of hand, Itachi-kun why don't you help me with these bags? They're awfully heavy and I'm too little to carry all of them at the same time."

Itachi gave his friend a look and then took some of her bags. The two disappeared into the house, leaving the rest of the bags outside. Zetsu took a seat at the table next to Tobi while staring at the remaining sacks on the table.

"So she's just going to leave me out here with the rest of these? That's so cold."

Just then Kaiya ran back outside, hugged Tobi and Deidara, patted Zetsu on the head, grabbed the bags and ran back inside. Zetsu was still staring at the table.

"There you go. Now both of your personalities can quit complaining, un."

15 minutes later, Itachi appeared in the doorway, bananas, oranges and apples in hand.

"We need you in the kitchen Deidara. We can't find the stepladder." The blonde heaved a heavy sigh as he rose from his seat.

"Go Dei-chan. Your Itachi-kun needs you." Zetsu's darker side taunted. Azure eyes glared vehemently at gold before Deidara finally stomped into the house.

"That wasn't very nice Zetsu-kun." Tobi piped once Deidara was in the house. Zetsu gave Tobi a confused look as his nicer side took over.

"Zetsu-kun? Since when did you start calling me that?" Tobi turned away, a faint blush settling on his cheeks.

"Ever since I thought that you were likeable."

Now Tobi had the green haired dude's full attention.

"What did you just say?" The younger teen turned his back to Zetsu, fidgeting with his fingers.

"I think that you are likeable. You're nice to everyone in the house, you're always helping Kaiya-chan with her chemistry homework when Itachi can't and you never do anything illegal. What's _not _to like about you?"

Zetsu was like a sponge at this point. No one had ever told him such nice things before; except for his mommy but she doesn't count. Was Tobi harboring feelings for him that Zetsu never knew about? Was the adorable boy wonder really feeling something for the green haired guy?

Well, it was time to find out.

Zetsu placed a hand on Tobi's shoulder, startling the boy wonder.

"That was a really nice thing for you to say Tobi. It makes me happy that you feel that way about me." The younger of the two spun around in his chair.

"Really? It makes you happy?" Zetsu nodded.

"I think that I'm feeling the sa-" Before the green haired hombre could even finish his sentence, Tobi had closed the gap between them, suffocating Zetsu with a kiss.

**(Insert lemon here. Now this is Tobi the good boy we're dealing with. I couldn't possibly make him naughty now could I?)**

A half-hour later, Itachi and Deidara wandered out onto the patio for some odd reason. When they got outside they turned around and went right back into the house.

"I can't believe we just saw that." Itachi stated as he and his companion stood motionless in the kitchen. Deidara just nodded.

"Tobi isn't a good boy anymore, un."

* * *

AN: Oh my Jashin. I can't believe that Zetsu/Tobi is such a cute pairing! But Deidara/Itachi is smexier :) Until next time good people!


	5. Friday: In the Hallway

Dirty Fun: Episode 5 starts………….now. Alternate Universe in America.

Disclaimer- If only I was a Japanese guy named Masashi Kishimoto….. And I don't own Faygo.

_Pein now knows why he loves Faygo pop._

* * *

_**Dirty Fun in the Hallway: Madara and Pein**_

Today was an average day. Fluffy white clouds floated along lazily in the clear blue skies. Today was an awesome day.

"Our monetary supply is increasing with all of the bounty Kakuzu has been getting lately. We all should work on getting promoted, so work hard as hell but don't kiss ass. The Akatsuki is too bad-ass for that. Dismissed."

The group of friends all rose from their seats and proceeded out of the Akatsuki kitchen. A ginger haired man stood in the middle of the room, watching his friends leave.

"Is it ever too much to ask for some patience?" The man wondered to himself, sitting down at the table.

"Depends on the situation."

The man turned to the doorway to see a blue haired woman smirking at him. She was clad in an all white t-shirt that was 3 sizes too big for her petite frame. The blue jeans she was rocking looked as if they were going to flood the Earth, that was how high they were.

"Should have known it was you Konan. You're the only person who sneaks up on me like that."

"Pein, you should have sensed me coming. I mean, we've only been best friends for what, 30 years?" The man known as Pein cocked an eyebrow.

"We haven't even been _alive_ that long."

"So you understand my point."

"There was a point to that question?"

The blunette stomped over to the table and 'playfully' punched her best friend in the bicep. Then she smiled at him and wandered over to the refrigerator.

"Faygo?" Pein nodded and Konan tossed him a red pop.

"What if I wanted a different one?" Konan smirked at him over her Pineapple soda.

"You didn't and you never do. I told you, I've known you for 30 years. Pein just shook his head and drunk his pop.

"If you say so."

20 minutes later, Konan and Pein were still in the kitchen chatting about whatever, when two male forms entered the room. One was a tall, tanned, and well-bodied brunette with stunning yet piercing emerald eyes. He was followed by a shorter blonde with fierce azure eyes and slim but muscular build. The newcomers wander over to the table, sapphire and gray orbs watching them intently.

"Hey Konan and Pein. Haven't seen you guys since this morning, un." The blonde states as he takes a seat next to Konan.

"Hey Deidara and Kakuzu." The brunette nodded to the blue haired woman.

"So Kakuzu, what are you and Deidara doing down here? I thought that you two had to go to work." Pein asks, after taking a long sip of his pop.

"We did, but I had Yoshino take over my shift and Deidara had Kyosuke take over for him at the hospital. What's it to you?"

"Nothing. I was just wondering why you two were still here, is all." Deidara got up and walked over to the fridge, grabbed two Faygos, and made his way back to the table. He gave Kakuzu an orange pop, while he drunk the blue raspberry.

"Have you two been down here for long?" Dei asked, unscrewing the top off of his pop.

"Not really. We've only been down here since what, the family meeting?" Konan responded, looking to her best friend. The man nodded and she smiled.

"So, what have you been talking about, un?"

"Oh nothing. I was getting ready to tell Pein about what Hidan told me about what he and Kakuzu did in the bathroom last week."

Kakuzu and Pein both chocked on their drinks at Konan's words. Deidara got up and patted both of them on their backs in order to save them from dying.

"What?!?! What were ya'll doing in there?" Kakuzu glared his hardest at Konan, but the blunette found this more amusing than intimidating.

"Nothing that concerns Konan, that's for sure."

"Don't shoot the messenger Kakuzu-kun." Emerald eyes glared harder at the young woman before they returned to their passive state.

A silence fell upon the four friends sitting in the kitchen. It was more of a comfortable silence rather than an awkward one, seeing as the friends were all zoned off into their own worlds.

"What are you four doing?"

The four addressed came back to reality and turned to the doorway. There stood a tall male with thick black hair billowing down his face, barely concealing his right eye. His piercing scarlet eyes roamed over the table and stopped when he made contact with them all.

It was none other than the owner of the Akatsuki house, Uchiha Madara.

"We were just discussing what life would be like if sex and money wasn't invented, un." Deidara states, nodding his head. Madara gave the blonde a dull look.

"If you're going to be smart, you could at least come up with a better excuse than that." Madara turned his attention elsewhere as Deidara shot him a dirty glare.

"Have any of you seen my nephew?"

"Which one? Itachi?" Konan asks.

"Yes. I need him to read over some papers for me."

Three heads snap over to Deidara. The blonde looked confusedly to his friends, then to Madara. What were they looking at him for?

"We haven't but you can ask the cradlerobber over here." The blonde gasped.

"Cradle-robber? Itachi is only two years younger than me! What's so wrong about that?!" Before Kakuzu could retaliate, Madara held up a silencing hand.

"Don't even comment on that Kakuzu. So where is my nephew Deidara?"

The blonde's baby blues locked up with Madara's cold crimsons. He thought about ignoring the question, but he knew the consequences if he did. Instead, he stared the Uchiha down and allowed a smirk across his face.

"School started back up today and Itachi and Kaiya had to go start their senior year of high school. You know, that _is _what some teenagers are doing these days, un."

Madara shot a heated glare at the blonde and then turned his attention to the others. His scarlet eyes roved the table until they met up with a pair of cool, ringed gray ones. The ginger haired owner of those eyes gave Madara a curious look.

"Pein, I need to see you in my study for a minute. There are some important business issues I need to discuss with you. And bring the Faygo with you." Everyone turned their attention to the orange haired man.

"Why are you all looking at me like that? It's not what you think you perverts." Pein spoke as he rose from the table.

The three people at the table gave each other questioning glances and then turned the glances onto Pein as he made his way out of the kitchen.

"Hey Dei? You thinking what I'm thinking?" Konan asks, with a spark of an evil gleam glistening in her eyes. The blonde's azure eyes held a similar glimmer.

"I'm thinking what you're thinking, un."

* * *

Pein followed Madara down the long and twisting halls of the Akatsuki house. They climbed the flight of stairs next to the kitchen, meandered down the main hall of the house until they found a quiet and secluded spot.

"This is far enough. What do you need to talk to me about?"

Madara's back was to Pein, so the orange haired junior couldn't see the smirk that the Uchiha was sporting. The younger of the two folded his arms and cocked an eyebrow at Madara's actions. Just what was he planning to do?

"This doesn't look like your study Madara."

"We need to finish from where we left off last time we spoke."

It took a minute for Pein's brain to digest what Madara had just stated. Realization crossed his features as the statement began to make sense.

Last time we spoke….?

Before he could defend himself, he was pushed to the wall and rough lips captured his own.

The pop in Pein's left hand fell to the floor as Madara assaulted him with kisses. Pein's left hand then proceeded to work its way up Madara's side, touching and rubbing every little inch it could. It soon found itself buried in Madara's mangled locks, and the older man moaned in pleasure as the hand massaged his scalp.

The two broke away to fill their deprived lungs with sweet oxygen. Madara's gaze ghosted over the younger's body, moistening his lips in the process. Pein reached for the dark navy shirt that was covering Madara's pale chest and the older one smirks.

"Impatient, aren't we?" Pein glared at the shirt.

"I want it off. Now." Madara lifted his arms and Pein easily slid the shirt off.

"Happy?"

"Somewhat. Now, are you ready to continue?"

The eldest bent down to Pein's height and sunk his teeth deep into the pierced flesh. The sharpened white incisors pinched the soft tissue so hard, they drew blood. Madara released his tongue and used the wet muscle to lap up all of Pein's sweet crimson liquid.

Madara stood back and looked Pein square in the eye. His scarlet orbs mingled with gray ones, both sets filling with lust at the sight of the other. Madara tore his gaze away from the younger man in front of him to the red pop that laid forgotten on the hardwood floor. A low growl escaped his throat and he reached for the plastic bottle, while Pein removed his shirt.

"Are you ready?"

* * *

"I can't believe he up and lied like that. Pein is such a loser."

"I agree whole-heartedly with you Konan, un."

Konan and Deidara had followed their instincts and were currently crouched down in front of the stairs, listening for the people up said stairs. The two occasionally shushed each other like a couple of gossiping school girls when they thought that they heard something juicy.

After about 45 minutes, the two upstairs came romping down the stairs. Both of them were in the same attire they were in earlier, not a wrinkle on either of them. Madara's hair retained its naturally wild nature, while Pein's eyes held a coolness that I can't even describe with a funny metaphor.

Deidara and Konan watched the two as they exited the staircase, eyes widened in surprise. Madara noticed this and for the umpteenth time, smirked. Deidara seemed as if he was offended and went on the defense.

"What the hell are you smirking at? We know you two were up there screwing each others brains out, so cut the act!" A plastic projectile came flying towards Deidara's head, hitting the blonde right in the forehead. The abused blonde rubbed his abused forehead, while Konan eyed the bottle suspiciously.

"What did you two do to the bottle? The top half is gone, the wrapper is missing and it's covered in pink stuff." The blunette looked up at the two men, who were just as calm as ever. Pein broke the awkward silence between the four, his eyes locking with Konan's.

"You know, I think I have found a new flavor."

* * *

AN: I think this one came out better than the ones I have so far. I think I might start writing this pairing more often. We're so close to a lemon now, dattebayo!


	6. Saturday: In the Pool house

The sixth installment of Dirty Fun has arrived. Alternate Universe in America. Kisame has traded in his blue skin for a more…humanly appearance. Let your imagination run wild.

Disclaimer- If only I was a Japanese guy named Masashi Kishimoto….. Then Kaiya Hatake would be a real person instead of my original character.

_Kaiya now knows why she likes high school and shit._

* * *

_**Dirty Fun in the Pool house: Kisame and Kaiya**_

The sky was a sunny-side blue; not that ugly pale blue at Home Depot, but the prettier version next to it. The visible clouds parted slightly to allow rays of sunshine thru.

Today.

Today was average.

"Ah, 11:30. And we are done for the day everyone, now go change. We meet on the patio in 20."

The group of friends in the Akatsuki front yard released a collective sigh of relief as they all stood up. The yard looked newly renovated with all the beautiful flowers in the garden and the freshly cut grass. At the two female residents demand, colorful tulips ranging from pink to orange to yellow decorated the lush green foliage.

At Kakuzu's request (more like ultimatum. It was either do it or die), the college-aged young people were rudely awoken from their slumber at a ripe 6:15 a.m. The older man had shuffled all of them from their bathrooms and downstairs to the front yard. They've been working ever since.

"Frugal ass rectal ranger, getting us up at the fucking crack of dawn to dig some useless fucking holes and shit. Fudge-packing money whore." Muttered a silver haired man as he stomped his way into the house. Said 'rectal ranger' watched as the younger man stalked past him into their humble abode, chuckling lowly.

"If I'm a rectal ranger Hidan, what does that make you?"

* * *

"I don't know which one to wear. The pink bikini or the baby blue one piece?"

Pein sat on the edge of his best friend's bed, watching her decide on what swimwear she wanted to wear. Watching her run in and out of her walk-in closet, holding up possible candidates for her little outing on the patio.

So in retrospect, Pein was a very bored man right now.

"Why don't you just wear the pink one. It matches your eyes." Konan peeked out of the closet.

"You do know that my eyes are blue, right?" Pein scoffed.

"Yeah I do. I was just testing to see if _you _knew." Konan shot a glare at the male on her bed. She dropped her current two bathing suits and stalked over to her queen-sized bed, fists balled up dangerously. Pein held up his hands defensively; as if _that _could save him.

"N-now Konan, your eyes are beautiful, no matter what color they are."

"Flattery won't save you now bitch."

* * *

"Is everyone out here?" A blonde male stated, glancing around the summer-ready patio. The last of their little group of ne'er-do-wells , Konan and Pein, shuffled out of the house and took seats opposite of each other at the pool.

Konan made her way to the pool chairs sitting a distance away from the pool. Covered by an oversized deck umbrella, the blue eyed woman sat herself down and stretched out on a chair. Another woman, younger than Konan, strolled over to the chairs and sat down next to the blue haired woman.

"We should have brought some drinks out here." Konan glanced over at the woman over her dark sunglasses.

"You know you're too young to drink Kaiya."

"Yeah, I know."

"I agree with you Kaiya. It _is _rather hot today, un." Stated the blonde male from earlier. Deidara stood in front of the two women, fanning himself with an old newspaper. Konan cocked an eyebrow.

"Why don't you go in the pool like all the others? We're having girl time over here."

"I was about to do that before you even said anything Konan. Now, if you'll excuse me." And with a toss of his newspaper, Deidara stomped over to the pool. The two women watched Deidara as he walked away, taking in every feature of him.

"Itachi sure is a lucky guy." Konan spoke, breaking the feminine silence. Kaiya gave her a questioning glance.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean, just look at Deidara. That soft blonde hair, those stunning blue eyes, that bubbly personality. If I was a gay guy, I'd totally let him be my seme." Kaiya only nodded in response as she watched the men in the pool.

"The same goes for Deidara too. All the girls at school drool over Itachi. He's smart, surprisingly athletic, charming, and quiet. Almost all the junior girls, excluding me, are in love with the boy; it's ridiculous. And the fact that he's head-over-heels for the most infamous prankster that ever graduated from Crass High is a plus." Konan nodded.

"Yeah, Deidara was a joker when we were there. But do you want to know who really drove the women wild?"

Kaiya shrugged her shoulders. Konan's eyes glinted mischievously as they scanned the pool. The Hatake followed her glance and smiled.

"Kisame?" The blunette reassured her.

"Why?"

"All those rebellious tattoos he's got. They all thought he was one of the baddest guys in our class. I remember one time during senior year, we all were at the newest branch of IHOP; UWALK. It was after a kick -ass Three Days Grace concert and all of us were _blowed_ out of our minds. So this perky little redheaded girl comes bouncing over to our table and even I have to admit, she was a brave bitch.

So she came and sat down next to Kakuzu's cheap ass, who was sitting in front of Kisame, mind you. She started playing footsies with Kisame, who was **not **in a playful mood that night. He nodded to Kakuzu and the next thing you know, the stingy ass bastard moved over and Hoshigaki had slapped the hell out of that skank."

"What did she say? Was she mad?"

"We all thought she was. We thought she was going to go into this little rant of 'You can't treat me like this' and 'I only came to talk to you' and all that bull. Instead, she grabbed her cheek and started rubbing it like crazy. She started grinning and giggling like one of those yaoi fangirls watching her top two yaoi couples having a foursome in New York.

She hopped up from her seat and squealed about how she was never going to wash her face again and all that jazz. Little did she know, her jaw was dislocated, thanks to Kisa being a freak of nature."

Just then, both women whipped their heads towards the pool. The current object of their conversation was exhibiting his freakish strength. Kisame hefted Hidan above his head, much to the silver haired man's dismay, and chucked him into the rose bushes.

"Next time you'll be meeting your fake god dumbass!" Konan and Kaiya just gaped at the tanned and tattooed man.

"If Kisame is a freak of nature, he's the sexiest one I've ever seen." Konan nodded in agreement.

"And Kaiya's got to be one of the prettiest delinquents I've ever seen." Both women lowered their sunglasses at that statement.

The man in front of them stood at a proud 6 feet 5 inches. His frame was covered in sunkissed skin , tattoos littering only his biceps and abdomen. Muscular build, yet slim in all the right places. Glinting golden eyes and rough navy colored hair. His name?

Kisame Hoshigaki.

"If I didn't know any better Kisame, I'd say that was a compliment." Kisame chuckled a little .

"I hate it when you're right." Konan watched the two flirt from under her oversized powder blue deck umbrella. She looked out to the pool and gave a dusty redhead next to Pein a wink.

"Hey Kaiya, let's go inside the poolhouse. It's cooler in there and we can have our discussion in there easier. Oh Kisame, you're welcome to join us. I mean, we're all friends after all."

So the three agreed on the plan and traveled to the wooden poolhouse behind the pool.

"Snap! I forgot my drink. Why don't you two go in first and I'll join you after I make my drink?" Kisame looked to Kaiya, who nodded, and in they went. Konan snickered and ran back to the pool, where the dusty redhead was patiently waiting.

"What are you plotting this time?"

"Nothing that you should worry about Sasori."

* * *

"I don't think Konan's bringing back the drinks anytime soon." Kaiya spoke as she sat down in the only armchair in the room. Kisame wandered to the door and fiddled with the locks.

"That's alright. I was waiting to have some real fun anyway."

"Real fun? Weren't we just outside acting stupid with our friends?" Hoshigaki slowly strolled over to the occupied armchair.

"You know what I mean."

Kisame bent down and captured Kaiya's right earlobe with his teeth. He licked and sucked the soft flesh until the girl let out little mewls.

"I want to have some fun with you Real fun." He whispered. She shivered as his warm breath tickled her dampened skin.

Kisame moved from her ear to her neck, sucking on her soft flesh. His large hands slipped under her bikini straps and she gasped. He stopped his actions, questioning her with his eyes. Her silver orbs answered and he continued.

She ran her hands up and down his arms. Smooth, russet colored skin, covered with a thin layer of hair, thick biceps; as hard as stone. Washboard abs, carefully sculpted as if they were carved out of marble She let her hands venture further down this temple know as Kisame, exploring his frame.

She desperately pulled on the white tank top he was wearing, signaling she wanted it off. He stopped, stood upright, and removed the offensive clothing. She kicked off her flip-flops and stood up in front of him, staring deep into his eyes.

"Alright, I'm ready when you are."

* * *

"The Rockets? Fuck that. They won't beat the Pistons. Get your head out of your ass Tinkerbell." Pein scoffed.

"Have you seen their latest scoring percentages? You might wanna change your opinion on your team Hidan."

Pein and Hidan were floating on pool lounges, arguing about sports. The rest of the Akatsuki gang were up on the deck, lounging about and talking about nothing. Konan had finally made her margaritas and was sharing her pool chair with the dusty redhead, Sasori.

"Damn girl! You sure know how to make a margarita. Too bad you can't have any Itachi; I would've let you have some of mine, un." Deidara stated to the raven seated in the chair next to him. The teenager just glared at him, then turned away.

Just then, the door to the poolhouse slowly opened. Everyone turned their attention to the door and more importantly, who was coming out said door. Kisame emerged first, wearing nothing but his swim trunks. Kaiya followed him, wearing the tank top Kisame first wore.

The two meandered past the pool, making eye contact with no one else nor each other. They made it to the house in total silence and entered it with total silence. The rest of the Akatsuki just watched them walk past, saying nothing to the pair. Once they were inside, the chatters began. Konan sipped at her margarita, humming a little tune to herself. Sasori noticed this and turned to the woman next to him.

"What are you so cheery about?" Konan smiled at the man next to her.

"It must've been better than I thought."

* * *

AN: Ah yes. Another chapter done. Now all that's left is the lemon! Hope you like citrius fruit.


	7. Sunday: In the Jacuzzi

Wow. The yaoi lemon has arrived. This is a big moment for me and I'm scared. I hope it's good. Alternate Universe in America.

Disclaimer- If only I was a Japanese guy named Masashi Kishimoto…..

**Warning- Characters that are usually the seme in their yaoi couples(-cough-Itachi-cough-)have now become the uke(-cough-Itachi-cough). You have been warned. **

* * *

_**Dirty Fun in the Jacuzzi: Deidara and Itachi **_

'_Mellow clouds passed thru the dusty skies as the sun began to set. Warm colors splashed across the sky, as if it was an artist's masterpiece.'_

"What are you writing, un?"

"Nothing that concerns you Cyclops. Now back the fuck off me."

"Can I at least read what you're writing Hidan?"

"No! Now sit your one-eyed ass back down in your seat."

"Hey! Don't make me turn this car around!"

Currently, the Akatsuki was on the road. They were heading up north to Pein's family reunion in Michigan and the red Ford Explorer was not doing so well.

"Tell that to Cyclops. He's the one that's pissing me off." Cyclops, or Deidara, gasped.

"I am not. I'm just interested in your hobbies, as a friend should be, un."

"Does it look like I want you to be fuckin interested in what I like to do?" a strong elbow hits Hidan in his right side. The victim throws a glare at his attacker.

"What the fuck was that for Kakuzu? What the fuck is your retarded ass smoking?" Kakuzu sighed and turned to his window.

"To keep you in check. Dumbass." From behind the wheel, Pein looked at both of them from the rear view mirror.

"Look, you both need to be on your best behavior. That means keep the arguments to a minimum." Kakuzu grunted and Hidan scoffed.

"Whatever. But I don't see why the hell we had to come on this bitch ass trip."

"My mom's been dying to see you guys again after my going away to college party." Konan spun around in the front passenger seat to look at Hidan. She spotted the notebook in the silver haired man's lap and stole it.

"Fuck! Give that back you blue haired bitch!"

"Don't call me names, unless you want your special book to disappear." She rolled down her window and held the notebook over the freeway to emphasize her point. From the backseat, Deidara screamed bloody murder.

"No! I didn't get to read it yet, un!"

"Who said I was going to let you, dipshit?!" Kakuzu slapped Hidan upside his head.

"Maybe you should let him read it. You could actually have talent in something."

"I agree with Kakuzu wholeheartedly." Itachi suddenly adds from the third row seating. Hidan glared at the Uchiha, then at the tanned man next to him. Today was not his day.

"Who the hell asked _you_ Pink Eye?" As his friends argued, Pein sighed to himself.

'_This family reunion is going to be great.'_

* * *

"Parker! My baby! You made it here safely. And you brought your friends with you this time! Awww come here and hug your mommy!"

A short and plump older woman with ginger hair and emerald green eyes rushed over to the Akatsuki. She wrapped herself around Pein's waist and squeezed tight.

"It's nice to see you too mom. Where's dad?" The woman, known as Mrs. Nagato, looked up at her son.

"Your sister sent him on a run to the store. Now come on, all of you, follow me to the backyard. That's where everyone is."

So the group traveled to the backyard where both sides of Pein's family was. They all were seated in white lawn chairs around three of those long wooden picnic tables. Mrs. Nagato lead them to the first picnic table where a female similar to Pein sat. A dark haired male sat next to her, his blue eyes scrutinizing the Akatsuki.

"So, my little brother brought his misfit friends back." She rose from her seat and wandered over to Hidan, slowly licking her lips.

"I believe we're gonna have fun today." Pein grabbed his sister by both arms and directed her back to her seat.

"Easy now Kerri. You remember my friends, don't you? Konan, Kakuzu, Kisame, Kaiya, Sasori, Deidara, Itachi and Hidan. Guys, my big sister Kerri. And the douchebag sitting next to her is her man-bitch Zack." Akatsuki all sat down around the table.

"So what made you all come back up here?" Kerri asks, sipping from her plastic cup.

"Well, Parker here told us that he was coming up here for his family reunion and he insisted on bringing us along for the ride." Kisame answered. Pein glared at his navy haired friend.

"Oh really? And what did my little brother say when he found out that the reunion was at my house this year?"

"He was not happy about that, but Hidan was. He was hoping for a repeat of last year, when you and him were about to do, well, you know."

"The hell I was Kisame! Don't you remember me yelling about how I almost got raped by Kerri? The bitch is crazy!" Kerri choked on her water.

"Crazy? I'm far from it. I can't help the fact that I find you attractive Hidan, so deal with it." Hidan just gaped at the crazy bitch. A silence fell over the table as Mrs. Nagato got up and went to a different table. Everyone either played with their cups or watched the other tables.

"I don't know why Pein even brought you up here. It's not like you're part of the family or something. All you guys do is cause trouble." Zack states, breaking the silence. The Akatsuki al glared at the blue eyed man.

"It's not like Mrs. Nagato is welcoming _you_ with open arms, un." Deidara retorts, twirling the end of his long blonde fringe around an index finger. Zack gave him a dirty look.

"So what? Do you think you're the delinquent children that she's always wanted? Get real Blondie." All eyes at the table were glued onto Deidara as the argument heated up. Kerri licked her lips. Today was going to be fun after all.

"Get real? I am real. I'm the realest person at this damn table! If I were any more real, I'd be imaginary!" Zack scoffed.

"Right. Stay in your fantasy world Blondie."

"Just what are you implying?"

"Whatever you want me to imply, _un._" The dark haired blue eyed bastard had the audacity to mimic Deidara's speech impediment. What was he trying to do, die?

Before things could get any more heated, a silent hero jumped into action. Itachi stood up wordlessly, grabbed Deidara by the hand and led him to the front yard. Everyone else just watched the two walk away, with Zack silently fuming. That blonde bastard.

Once they made it to the front porch, Itachi let go of Deidara's hand and sat him down on the first stair. The blonde took a minute to cool himself off and to collect his thoughts.

"Don't let him get to you."

The blonde snapped out of his thoughts and looked over to the raven next to him. Itachi was talking to him.

"He doesn't get to me, he just pisses me off, un." Itachi cocked an eyebrow.

"That is just a roundabout way of saying what I just said. By you letting him piss you off, he's getting to you."

"Were you even at the table Itachi? Did you hear how he mocked my speech impediment? It's not my fault I say 'un' at the end of every other sentence; I just can't help it. Un." Itachi sighed to himself. Why was Deidara so headstrong?

"You need to get over it. That man has no sense of shame and you should know that by now." Deidara slammed a fist into his open palm.

"I'll show him no shame. I'll show him no mercy. This revenge shall be sweet, un." Itachi did not like where this was going.

"Think before you act Deidara." The blonde jumped off of the stair he was sitting on and pumped a fist into the air. Itachi watched him confusedly, not knowing what horrible ideas were swimming around in Deidara's head. The blonde then turned his gaze to Itachi, winking at him.

"Trust me, this is gonna be thought out precisely, un."

"I would hope so."

* * *

"That was fun. We need to get the family together more often."

"You're right about that one Aunt Helena. Do you want me to drop you off at the home? I'm getting ready to take my parents home since their car is in the shop."

"Oh, that would be so nice Kerri. Thank you."

As the sun began to set, the reunion and all its festivities began to wind down. Everyone bid their farewells to each other and headed towards their cars. Pein had lent his sister the Explorer so she could take their parents home. Now only Akatsuki and Zack were left at the house, cleaning up the aftermath.

"I came all the way up here just to serve as a fucking janitor? What the fuck do I look like-" But before Hidan could finish, Kakuzu clamped a hand over his mouth.

"Don't finish that sentence. We don't want to hear it."

"So Zack, did you ever install that hot tub for Kerri?" Pein asked, picking up a milk carton. The dark haired man nodded slowly.

"And it's more kick-ass than the one you have." Zack answered, throwing away a plate full of chicken bones.

"I don't see why you don't use your family's money to buy a new one Pein. Hot tubs are fun you know." Pein finished tying up his garbage bag and took it to the garbage can, fully ignoring Zack. The dark haired man finished his part of the clean up and went into the house. Akatsuki finished their duties and met up in the middle of the yard.

"Damn I hate that douchebag. Why the hell did he have to come anyway?" Hidan stated, speaking the one question that was on everyone's mind. Konan brushed some dirt off her shoulders.

"Ever since he met Kerri he's always been trying to invite himself where he's not wanted." Everyone nodded in agreement to her statement. An evil smirk spread slowly across Deidara's face as he thought of his plan. Pein noticed this and sighed.

"Let me guess Deidara. The plan involves you, Itachi and the hot tub?" The blonde smirked while the raven face-palmed. Pein smirked.

"Have fun."

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**(Attention: The lemon is approaching. Scroll down with caution.)**

* * *

"This is a bad idea that only you could come up with Deidara."

Currently, Deidara and Itachi were sitting in Zack's newly built hot tub, probably with no swim trunks on. Deidara was intent on making his revenge successful, no matter what.

"Come on Itachi, it won't be that bad, un. What's wrong, are you scared?" Itachi glared.

"Uchihas don't get scared."

"Then come over here and sit on my lap."

After a few minutes of contemplating the idea, Itachi slid from his spot across from Deidara and into the blonde's lap. Immediately, Deidara went to work, nibbling on Itachi's earlobe. He gently sucked on the squishy flesh, until Itachi started to let out little mewls.

Itachi ran his hands thru Deidara's golden locks, earning moans from the blonde below. He twisted a few strands around his index finger, brought it to his face and inhaled. Deidara smelt like citrus fruit. Under the water, the Uchiha could feel what his actions were doing to the blonde.

Deidara moved from Itachi's ear to his neck, leaving a trail of kisses leading to the neckbone. The two soon came face to face, both capturing the other in a passionate kiss. Itachi dipped his tongue inside Dei's mouth and the two wet muscles danced around each other in a symphony of pleasure.

The blonde's hands slid down Itachi's thighs, touching and rubbing every inch of his flawless skin. His left hand reached in between the raven's legs and grabbed his flaccid member. He gently stroked the member, fingers trailing circles all around, until it stood at full attention.

He ran a finger across the pulsing vein and gripped the shaft. He slowly pumped his hand up and down, up and down, drawing low moans from the Uchiha. He hastened his movements, moving faster as Itachi started to buck his hips. The member began to harden and Deidara could feel precum spill onto his fingers.

"Not yet Itachi. Not yet, un." Dei whispered as his hands ventured further down Itachi's body. He soon found himself at Itachi's entrance as the raven on top of him sucked on his neck. Using the water as lubrication, Dei slowly pushed in two fingers. The Uchiha quickly sucked in air as the fingers inside him slowly scissored around. A third finger was added, intensifying the sensation.

Once Deidara got Itachi used to the feeling, he pulled out and positioned his throbbing erection at the Uchiha's entrance. An inquisitive azure eye looked up at the weasel, who had stopped his sucking of the blonde's neck. The raven reassured him with a slow nod, telling both himself and Deidara that it was okay.

Slowly, Deidara entered, using as less force as possible. Itachi winced; goodness it felt as if his insides were being ripped apart. The blonde pulled out, then slid back in. The weasel's arms were wrapped around Deidara's neck, his face contorted into a painful expression. Dei kissed his neck softly, whispering 'It's alright, un.'

The bomber slid out once again but this time he added a little speed to his entry. He rushed in, his hips starting to grind. Itachi quickly got the memo and his hips joined in the chorus. Faster and faster came Deidara's motions; the faster he went, the looser Itachi's arms became. Soon the blonde was moving at a pace all his own, repeatedly hitting Itachi's pleasurable bundle of nerves. Itachi let loose, throwing caution to the wind and letting his desire take over.

Passion poured over the two hot-tubbers as they entered their own world of euphoria. It was as if the heavens were blessing them personally, or whatever they want to call it. Their heartbeats sped up, racing against the hands of time. Itachi gripped Deidara by the shoulders harshly, his nails digging into the soft skin.

This sensational feeling of bliss; it was overwhelming!

"Damn Itachi,…..un." The blonde whispered, feeling himself reaching his climax.

He knew Itachi was almost there too, for the weasel was perfectly keeping up with their on-going rhythm. On the highest of his ecstasy, the raven threw his head back and breathlessly uttered the name of the only man who could make him feel this way. The only one who could take him to a place so euphoric, his very being shook from this feeling of gratification.

At that moment, Itachi came and he came hard, the white semen splattering onto both their chests. Dei pushed hard, and he went in deeper than he had ever gone into this temple entitled 'Itachi'. He reached the top of his climax and shot off his seed deep into Itachi.

Both chests heaving heavily, both bodies physically exhausted, the jacuzzi had been the only witness to something so great; well, in Deidara's mind it was. Sticky with sweat and love juice, the blonde fell back against the edge of the pool, Itachi falling on top of him. He reached out for his jeans, which were conveniently strewn next to the hot tub, and pulled out his cell. A few quick buttons were pushed and the text was sent.

In the house, Pein sighed. Karaoke was the main reason why he hated coming upstate. A slight vibration shook him from his reverie and he flipped open his phone. Reading the message, he couldn't help but hide the smirk threatening to creep onto his face. Erasing the message, he went into his contacts, scrolled down a few numbers and pressed 'send'.

"Kerri, you would never guess what Zack did in your new hot tub."

Yes, the perfect revenge.

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AN: I can't believe I just wrote my first lemon. It was more fun than I thought it would be. Of course I had to write it using my favorite yaoi couple, just to make up for the first chapter. I think I might do one for Kakuzu and Hidan……


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